I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
