So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
