she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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