Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
