He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
