um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
