and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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