am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Bring me that man meat
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
