I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Say something about gay babies.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
