I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
