I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize
