Three words: puerto rican gang bang
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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