for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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