apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
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Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
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how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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