ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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