I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
