we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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