What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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