I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize