I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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