Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Randomize
