O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
