exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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