he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
