why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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