Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
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