She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
