She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
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The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
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Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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