4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
