I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
