Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
He is an equal opportunity slut.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
