Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
