I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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