so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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