one might say we're banned from that church
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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