I wish I could punch you in the face.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
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