New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
