Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
