I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
