new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Randomize
