you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
