Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
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