break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
