i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
