I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I understand Curling. That high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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