I swear she didn't look like that last week.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Randomize
