I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
