Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
You can't motorboat a personality
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Randomize
