please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
