I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
