I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
