Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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