She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
