I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
