The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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