is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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