last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
