God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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