Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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