Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
