i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
