I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
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positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
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How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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