your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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