he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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