just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
