Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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