that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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