Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
