Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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