There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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