it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
