im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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