About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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