my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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