i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
