somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
His hands were made for my vagina.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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