he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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