OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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