I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
this will be a night to untag.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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