Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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