Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Randomize
