New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
We are two peas in an std pod
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Randomize