I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
