I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
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You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
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"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Oh god it's open bar.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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