What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Randomize
