the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
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I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
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Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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