Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
